You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
