I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
