We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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