You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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