The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
