I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
wow bdsm is so cute
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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