Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
