Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
