I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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