I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
