He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
