when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My penis needs a shock collar
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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