I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Randomize
