How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
