note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
