everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
