I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
