so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
