In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
