Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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