Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
