Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
