Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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