I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
