just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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