I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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