So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
