Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
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