What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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