She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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