What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
