I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
