my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
