So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
