My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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