I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
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