The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
