under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
