I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
