I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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