I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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