Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
