what day is it and did you see me today?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
