She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
