i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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