Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
