the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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