Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
