I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
