'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
