Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Someone shit on the floor
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
