I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
