I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Oh god it's open bar.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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