Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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