and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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