Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
